Funniest Lawyer Jokes and Quotes

One thing every lawyer has to get used when first passing the bar is a constant barrage of lawyer jokes by friends and acquaintances. Some lawyers hate to be made fun of and find such jokes to be be rude, but I don't take myself that seriously. I love a good lawyer joke and never take it personal. I made a list of my favorite lawyer jokes and quotes. If you have any good ones, please share!

• "Any time a lawyer is seen and not heard, its a shame to wake him."--Patrick Reagan
• "Law school taught me one thing: how to take two situations that are exactly the same and show how they are different."--Hart Pomerantz
• "I don't want a lawyer to tell me what I cannot do: I hire him to tell me how to do what i want to do."--J.P. Morgan
• "They say talk is cheap--until you get a lawyer involved."--Patrick Reagan
• "Lawyers are in the only profession where the more there are, the more are needed."--Robert Lucky
• "My daddy is a movie actor and sometimes he plays the good guy and sometimes he plays the lawyer."--Harrison Ford's son (kids say the darndest things!)
• "A lawyer is someone who approaches every subject with an open mouth."--Patrick Reagan
• "If it weren't for lawyers, we wouldn't need them."--Patrick Reagan
• "When you go to court, you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty."--Norm Crosby
• "What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? Accountants know they're boring."--Patrick Reagan
• "Nothing could be more boring than an absolutely accurate movie about the law."--Roger Ebert
• "Two very rich people get divorced, and their lawyers lived happily ever after."--Patrick Reagan
• A lawyer charged a man for legal services. After the client left, the lawyer realized he had been overpaid by $100. "This is a real ethical dilemma," the lawyer said to himself. "Should I tell my partner?"